“The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness.” Norman Cousins
The world is a weird place right now. I’m fortunate that I have a wonderful job I can work from home. We are fortunate we have a business that my husband works from home full time.
I’m not a super social person so the home time hasn’t been too bad. Spending more time together as a family has honestly been super great. We are lucky.
All three of us have celebrated our birthdays in quarantine and we’ve made the most of them, minimal but meaningful.
I received some nice Facebook happy birthday posts, a few text messages and cards from my family. My husband and son made me dinner, got me cards and we spent the evening playing video games.
I think it was then that I started to feel a bit lonely. My husband and son are great and very caring. We have an awesome dynamic, but as a 40-year-old female, I have like zero people outside of those two who truly know me and care. Or at least that I feel care.
I’ve always had a hard time with friendships, especially female friendships. I don’t know if I expect too much, give too little or if I’m just not the type of person that was meant to have a great group of female friends like in the tv shows.
Last year I thought I had found a solid group of female friends. I had a wonderful birthday party with friends, a vow renewal celebration where my friends gave great speeches, and said wonderful things about me.
But here I am feeling lonely, not really having anyone to talk to or anyone checking in on me really feeling like not one friend cares.
I don’t really know what’s wrong with me or what I’m doing to push people away. I’ve tried to always be generous, willing to help, and talk anytime they need a shoulder and not judgemental when they have different opinions than me. It just seems to not be enough to keep friends longer than a couple of years.
I’m sure with the state of things I’m not the only one feeling a bit lonely. I searched Reddit for some pen pal groups and facebook for something that might drum up some conversations but I had zero luck. My poor co-workers I’m sure are tired of me oversharing in team meetings just for conversation outside of my household.
It’s been a while since I journaled, blogged or wrote so I figured to keep my sanity I should try my hand at it again as an outlet.
If you’re reading this, I hope you are safe and healthy and if you want some conversation send me an email.